NEW BEGINNINGS!

So I am ready for 2009!!! I am ready for the new challenges, love, joy, sorrows etc. I have had as many ups and downs as I can handle this year and look forward to the new. I hope your year was as eventful as mine. Full of life experiences and lessons that force you to acknowledge your mistakes and learn from them. I am older now, and I will not allow myself to make the same ridiculous mistakes. I have learned a great deal from love. And know what to value in a man. I am glad for a new chance to get to make better choices. Second chances. I am glad I have been allowed a few of them. Lord knows I need them. Thanks for allowing me to see who my true friends are, how important family is and when and being able to recognize the difference between potential greatness and bullshit.

I am aware now that a lot of choices made were because I was naive; not willing to learn from others. Wanting to fall and pick myself up. I have come to terms with the fact that I can not live my life doing everything someone else didn't or couldn't do. I want to live my life for me; knowing I tried and whether I come to face success or defeat; I know that no matter what I still did me. And I seized the opportunity to be true to me.

I wish all of you a very Happy New Year!!

I CAN'T HELP IT!

I can't help but be vulnerable to love. I can't help that despite the fact that I was developed with the capacity to restrain myself from enduring the confusion and the hurt brought by man, I refuse to allow that to keep me from loving. And he refused to allow confusion keep me from him. He said one thing but would show me another. He said he wouldn't care if I left, but he thinks about me in my absence. Continuously allows me in; into his world, even after I hurt him. Regardless of what he says, when you wholeheartedly do not want someone to be apart of your life you omit them. I did the same thing with someone else and I don't think about him; won't answer when he calls or entertain him. It is over, moved on from him. But if there was an ounce of hope that once I cleared my confusion, I would want him, he would still be here. And I would always accept the love given by him. Because he is real. Those who we hurt and still linger show us that the love is real. And once you get your mind right, you will spend the rest of your life making it up to them; because you knew where to turn when you were in search of...True and innocent it is; the love they have for you. And that is where I am...lingering. Hoping he will disperse the confusion lingering amongst his sight. Not his eye sight, but love sight. Guided by feelings not vision; allowing them to show him it's ok to live through his hearts desire. Free of fear. Not just calling on it when it is convenient; but willing to accept it even when it's difficult. So again I say, I can't help it. And I don't want to. I love him and this feeling is remarkable. A fool I am but willing to admit; moving on is easy when you are ready for it. I am not. I can't help loving him. I try to see the positive and even that is not enough to get me through. Why can't we recognize sincerity? Why mock it or mistreat it? No good reason or explanation besides selfishness. And even in that instance, I can't help it. I selfishly want to endure a love that can't possibly exist. His love for me is intangible; to far from his grasp. And there it will stay until he is willing to reach for it. There I linger because I refuse to help it.

DIR........

So, I am midway through the completion of my second poetry book and I just wanted to give you a little incite. Just so you all know that this collection is in reverse. The beginning is at the end and the present is in the beginning. It shows my growth in life and loves manifestations. Why I am now and why I am no longer what I was. The poetry in this book, in relationship to my previous collage, is fearless, strong, real and sincere. I put my heart on the line and I allowed it to be examined. I basically said this is me, fuck it...because real can never be denoted. It is what it is and you learn to love it. I can not wait to be able to give you a sample, but I really did go all out. Tried new verse structure, experiemented with haiku and I even researched some pieces.
I hope you enjoy it. I can't wait to share it with you!

Teen Chic Magazine!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Between December 2008 and January 2009 please look out for the hottest Teen Magazine around; Teen Chic Magazine.

Teen Chic Mag is an online magazine that informs, encourages and empowers teens around the world.

Magazine Staff Include:


Editor & Chief: C’na Roberts

Creative Director: Latasia Turner

Fashion Editor: Chanteau Garrett

Entertainment Editor: Mical J. Roy

Health & Beauty Editor: Stephanie Catchings

Feature Writers: Shawna G.
Audreyanna G.
Madison J.



This magazine is destined for great things. We need your support. The Magazine website is as follows:

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Teen Chic will be at Fashion Week in NYC this February and we also have writers attending the Presidential Inauguration! Please look forward to the articles and please join our blog.

Some people fear solitude. I smile at it! Because sometimes, self is much more supportive, more sensitive, more understanding than most people. They can be so negative sometimes I think it is better to enjoy YOU. I love relaxing in long, candle lit baths, listening to music, going to a movie or reading a great book! I can dine alone and go to the mall alone; I really believe if you always have to be with someone, you are codependent.

Just take a glance over the last two or three months of your life….How many times have you had a gang of people around to do things you could simply do alone?

Most are afraid of solitude because it really forces a closer look at reality! I love life and the realness of it. It is all in the way you look at something. If you are fearful or you think fear, you will be scared. If you think sad, you will be sad. The best quote I ever heard in my life, I was in the 5th grade. Granted I can not remember the person who said it, only that he was a famous old president, but he said, “It is a choice to be sad.”

Choices are a large part of life. Do not get made at the choices you make. Some are great and some we regret. It is always better to enjoy the wise choices and acknowledge all those that were made in error and to learn from them then. If you think you are horrible or your life is horrible and something bad is always happening to you, that is then what your life becomes; a series of bad events. And it all stems from your personal choices. Especially when all you look at is the negative.

I suggest, we Live to learn. Learn to live loving.

How Funny...

How funny
Thinkin’ that I am head over
What do they say “Hills”
Not hills
Ok maybe rocks
Still just a few steps ahead
But you encourage
Me to you
Subconsciously sought
Yet
The closer we get
You retreat
Therefore
I keep
A team
Just like you
And maybe
Just maybe you realized
You don’t have shit on me
I
Your match
A beast
And I
Don’t need to be lied to
Or dealt with like the other
Cause quite frankly
That is you
And you probably feel the same as I do
But I will never put my heart on the line for you
You don’t even trust that the sky is blue
I will never be able to show you
Truth
As I see it
As I live it
And it’s beyond tangible
It’s experimental
Risky
That is what love is
And until you can honor it
You will keep
Thinkin’ of me
In your spare time
Thoughts driftin’
Cause your wrong
And guilty conscious is eatin’
But you keep seekin’
Fame
Instead of embracing wealth
You want that cheap shit
It looks good
Until you
Try it
Taste it
Use it
Or buy it
Then it shows its worth
I never had to prove
You know when shit is priceless
So
You know
That I am
Valuable enough to
Be the MRS.

The Knot

I can’t stomach these regrets
I want time
To reverse this curse
That has us believing
That we will never again
Endure
The passion and love
That anyone else
Longing for it
Would suggest that we
Tie the knot
Instead
It is increasing
The knot that has me ailing
Because I miss what was
The knot
A constant reminder of candle lit baths
Moonlit strolls
And
Late night talks
I want it to be removed
This knot
That because of you
Is now in my neck
But I just have to wait
Until he
Comes along to undo
This damage
This pain
That you have caused
Until then
I just hope you can live
With this regret
You have to deal
Deal with this curse
We must endure
But life goes on

Imperfection....

I do not believe that anyone is perfect. Hell God knew that, that is why Jesus died! We are human and capable of falling short. So if this is how we are, I will suggest that you embrace your imperfections. Don't try and change yourself for someone or allow someone to change themselves for you. If you can not love, or be loved, for who you are please omit them from your lives. It probably won't end well.

I applaud my imperfections for making me different. For making the aversion approachable and desirable because it's accepted by self. People love those who love themselves despite of, because your courage is intriguing and attractive. I find myself drawn to those who have confidence in their three mile gaps (no pun intended), ridiculously bowed legs or their unique style. I will not let my eyes stray because there is indeed something that is touching; it brings me to smiles and I won't forget them. Those people you want to tell everyone about them. And it's being messy, in a good way.


Self esteem is developed by self; never blame someone else for making YOU feel a certain way about YOU...That makes no sense to me when people say, "he/she/they lowered my self-esteem", How?? It comes from you. Kat Williams said it the best, "Self-esteem, esteem of your mother-fucking self"! I mean we all have days when we don't feel like our hair will ever be right, we need a haircut real bad, the out-fit is wack or makes us look fat, but that doesn't mean you always look like that or that is how people always view you! And even if they did! SO WHAT! A large portion of the time those people that are so worried about you and insecure themselves, and talk about others to take attention from themselves. I never concern myself about what someone says, ESPECIALLY if they do not know me. I am not saying that I am a saint; and just for the record everyone who comments on someones appearance is not insecure, they are just ridiculous. Some people don't think before they speak and show no concern until the tables are turned, then they understand. I call those people "I learn the hard way folks."

Bottom line, people are going to talk, but don't concern yourself with what they say. Make your opinion priority to you.

THINK ABOUT IT!!

Just a little note......

I am smiling, loving the day because I got through to him. He knows the definition of truth and forgiveness and I honor him; and when the time comes I will submit to him. I can never stop loving or giving my all to him, and I don't believe he wants me to. That's why I continue to show my heart through, writing and phrasing things in a way that only he appreciates, because he knows me. He listens to my heart and yearns for me. I have never experienced a love where loving comes easy; and when it gets hard we appreciate the misery, because perfection is scary.

YES WE CAN!!!!!!!!!! YES WE DID!!!!!!!!

It is official; the President of the United States is Barack Obama, an intelligent, passionate, courageous African American man. Never in a million years, or in some of our elders' life times, would they assume they would get the chance to witness such an astounding victory for African Americans. So much surprised and excited that many lack the ability to see past color to capabilities. I would hate for African Americans to have voted for a man solely because he was black!

Thankfully Obama represents change, not only in a sense that America is evolving into a country who is more open to diversity, but in a sense that his platform and campaign stood for RIGHT; stood for CHANGE; stood for every resident of the United States of America’s security, prosperity and well-being. Obama’s campaign was one of the cleanest campaigns I have seen, since I have had the capacity to vote. He did an awesome job. He never succumbed to personally attacks, not dirt or scandal etc. He is an humble, god-fearing man who is not ashamed to proclaim his religious belief. He took that ounce of faith and multiplied it into a legacy.

While I commend those who voted for the first time in their lives, and pray that this will not be the last, I want to also encourage that we do our research. Vote on principle and character, not color. I am proud to have Barack Obama represent my country.



YES WE CAN; YES WE DID.

The Norm

Who sets the norm? I hope you don't think the celebrities do... To be the norm, whatever is being generalized has to be equally accessible. We have to have the capacity to do it, to live it and to wear it, just as the celebrities and/or CEOs.


So you love to be the norm. I take it and put my twist on it. I develop this, a new era, new style, new basis for you to aspire to. Never understood how, what THEY say is what YOU do; this skirt has to go with these shoes or to wear ankle pants as a dude is Cool! I present to you, the new standard. To trust yourself and believe in you. Who cares what it looks like, OK wait I take that back; we are human and critical as hell, so just be aware of what you want to portray. I don't want to see hookers at the age of eight.


Frown at the norm because you want to be Hollywood. Always walking around like the paparazzi is following you. Flashing lights and shit ahead of you. Trippin'! From one extreme to the next. I guarantee if you had it, the money you seek, you would down play it. You would always have niggas tryin' to get your shit. Confidence doesn't come with fame, or what you think is fame. Popularity can be won with nothing. How you are viewed is the result of you. If you are fake, everyone around you can tell. It doesn't matter what you try to portary. You have what you have so act that way. This ain't rocket science, just hard to admit. Until it's thrown in your face you won't face it. Stop trying to be who you are not. Stop wanting the fame because it's not all it's cracked up to be. It is simply a facade, because life isn't easier. Life is still life, with the same challenges and rewards just at a cheaper price. It doesn't cost anything to just live and enjoy life.

Woman...

I am a strong independent woman; the one he seeks. The woman that keeps your man in the streets, because you aren't satisfying. And I am by no means justifying his lack of commitment; only stating that if that man is getting distant, you lack his attention. You lack the resistance, that challenge, that fight that kept him intrigued, initially, and so lately, he has been wondering more about me while your sleeping.

I am a working woman; I hold no desire to ask a man for a dime, penny, nickle, hell or even a quarter, because everything I got is MINE. I didn't see you come to the register to pay when I was next in line! You stood back; and allowed yourself to become intimidated by my capacity to succeed without you.

I am a god-fearing woman; never putting a man's need before my devotion to GOD. Unwilling to compromise, because in the end, a good man is never hard to find, it just has to be the right time. You have to be willing to appreciate him and his worth. Ready to allow him to be a man, without consequence. Able to distinguish moments of submission, support and individualism.

I am a beautiful woman; demanding respect. The future of your being, you mother, sister, wife and daughter. I am in every thought, stride, step and glance. I am what you seek; WOMAN. I am she, and her is me. Providing you ecstasy and hell all in the same week.

I am love. I speak it. I give it all to you, and you need it. Never take it back, its priceless. I give it away because I like too and I can afford it. I am never ending. Just like life, love and giving; I will never leave. Just like this post, my journey is incomplete. I must keep living to give you more to read. So part two will come eventually. Until then, keep loving me.

PoeT SpeaK

If every post you read......



brings a song to mind,

you find it easy to relate to because all the words rhyme

or your heart cheers as your mind defines the phrases

that is a sign

that a PoeT SpeaKs

that is the effect of TRUTH SPEAK

can't deny its realness,

so straight forward that you can't do anything more than accept it

and hope that you aren't the only one relating to it

always want to have it

addicted

so you read it everyday

just to get a hit of what you missed

the lesson you avoided

or the logic you distorted

to make you seem right

to make your reality make sense



If you nodded you head at least once, my job is done. I make the world make sense. And although my blogs are more catered to love, passion and life experience, you still LOVE it. Just like I love LOVE, and I live it, I breath it, I sing it and of course I write it. I just let it be, and it all makes sense to me. So why not give it to you? Why not capture the poet in you? I Speak PoeTically and I hope it gets through, past the brain waves directly to the vains, I hydrate you. Embody it. This is just a brief reminder of why all my posts either rhyme, or stop time, as you are captivated in its expression. I am good at this, better yet GREAT and you insist that I continue, because you always want to listen and never stop reading, with hopes that you will envision the process, what I did to get here, how long it took and why my brain is so good here, in this LIFE, in this TIME. I was meant to move you. God put me here to show you, TRUTH; through the eyes of an imperfect believer; through my heart I make understanding common. Truth Speak. Have you had enough yet?? I doubt it.....

What's a WOMAN to DO?????

I am, for the first time in my life, SPEECHLESS. And not in a good way, in a "I never thought I could love again" way. And it's sad to say that the one love I thought I would never have, may never be, because of stubbornness, nonchalant attitudes and simply, broken hearts. I knew it then, and even more so now, that I had found it (it being love), he was the one. The only man I wanted to marry. I am not looking forward to settling for less than he, but what is a woman to do? I can no longer wait without response from you. You have to be willing to take the good with the bad. Have to be willing to forgive and allow the past to be the past. DAMN I am going to miss him. But DAMN I need him. I feel like I am in a game of tug-a-war....Whenever I feel I am succeeding I loose my grip and I fail him once more. Then we are back, life John Legend says, doing it again! Trying to win with a half ass effort. So, I ask, what is a woman to do; when I see the potential? When I allow myself to take a risk with you? Should I allow you to continue to play games? NEGATIVE, I refuse. Life is to precious to waste time with you. I can't be in a relationship on my own. For a relationship to be, it needs the dedication of TWO. So why do I feel like a fool? Why can't I let go of OLD NEWS?? No formal response to the question, but I do know that my heart leads me back to you. I see signs in my everyday activities that revert back to you. Seems crazy, but its true. Technically, nothing about us has been normal since day one. Its been more or less like a dream come true, story book, fairy tale or TV shit. We both will agree that we never expected to encounter this shit. But I like it, better yet I love it, and I am IN LOVE WITH YOU. All I ask is that one day you will accept it. Be a fool too, because quite frankly, that is the only way we can make it. Maybe its true, "Time heals all wounds," although it's easier for me to get over it than you, I guess I will allow time to bring me back to you.



You made me weak
Like Ike did my roof
I fell through
Not strong enough to bear you
Damnit
We were suppose to be better than
You
Gave me life in 3-d
Yet
You allow your selfishness to hurt me
Thought you respected me
If nothing at all
Thought you respected we

Completely blinded
I allowed you conquered me
I fell short on love
Allowed my emotions to dictate actions
Undesired
Yet inevitable

The regretful inevitable is what you get
With lover's scorn
When hearts are torn
And severely saddened

Locked eyes
Beamed hurt without remorse
Pierced my soul
And I no longer have hope for
Love
What I though you were
You
Him
Mine
I no longer wait for
How could I wait for someone that could give two shits about me?
I know
It hurts
I am not through
Despite what I say
I am not done with you
Because
Without you
I am incomplete
Just as this poem is
As well as our LOVE
So
I dedicate this to you
To us
TO BE CONTINUED..................

Why LIE???; The Truth About Men & Women

Men, while great can be extremely a pain. They developed and, with some of the stupid shit they do, maintain that thin ass line between love and hate! And for the few good men out there, feel free to substitute all of the men used in this post with woman, so you can relate, because I know there are some tired ass women out there. It is so sad how men feel like lying keeps them on top of their game. When they are too naive to realize we knew they were lying when they opened their mouths. There is no need to lie in relationships or friendships for that matter. I will be damned if I called a friend someone that lies to me; shit the truth hurts but it is far better than living a lie. I encountered what I thought was fate until he only said what he felt he had to to get what he wanted to be, not knowing that if I didn't ALLOW it none of the shit he said meant anything and none of the shit we did would have occurred. It's so funny how niggas think they got game and they are sooooooooooooo on top, but women are usually 5 steps ahead. We know whether we want to have sex with you the moment we meet you, so don't EVER think it was your game that got you that far. We just like to front so we don't come off as promiscuous. We know right off hand what role you will play in our lives. Whether you'd be strictly a friend, potential relationship candidate, for lonely nights, or just good to have around to entertain whenever everyone else falls through! If you are just honest from day one, you will get very far with a woman. No matter how many times people say "watch what you say" or "you can't tell a woman that" you would be surprised if you actually tested it out what the outcome may be.

Now before I continue I must say that all women are not the same! But a strong 90% of us are smarter than man. And that is only because there are far too many dead beat dads are leaving woman to raise their kids on her own; so that independence, strong will, dedication and drive are now normal characteristics for new age women. Patience is wavering; shit we thinkin' why wait when you can do it yourself in less time! But it is only his fault!

So, anyway, I am sure you know what you want from a woman when you meet her as well; so if she is just for sexual purposes let her make that choice. If you tell her you are not interested in a relationship and all you want is sex, there is a 50-50 chance you may succeed. Then you don't acquire a harasser and risk death, cause a woman's feelings are something that should never be played with! Just always remember "a man only gets away with what a woman allows you to" and if you are getting away with a lot of bull you better believe that woman is doin' that fool on you also. There is either a man in your absence or she is either to dedicated to work to care and you are probably just being used for sexual fulfillment at that point! I could talk about this shit for ages, but bottom line lying is for the birds man. JUST TELL THE TRUTH!

To Conquer or Be Conquered?

Is it better to conquer or be conquered by love?

I have an answer that is truly logical, but first let me express, general assumptions and concerns. It is a common belief that if you are conquered, no matter what the situation is or entails, you are weak. Or if you conquer love you have won! Neither are entirely true.

When have you ever truly understood something that you did not get challenged by? Enduring without challenge or consequence allows one to become oblivious to the process; causing it to be routine. When you are stuck in routine you don't give the process much thought. It's mechanically embedded in your brain, you body, you system, it's habitual. But when you get thrown an curve, you are startled, causing you to fail. Now don't get me wrong, some bounce back, but 80% of us stutter or fail to recover. This is when you become weak, but is weak bad when you learn? Is weak bad when you now know the consequences and have the capacity to plan for the next time? Weak is not failing! Weak is failing to recover! So to be conquered by love is to be hurt, and it hurts bad, but it makes you all the better for the next ride. It makes you strong enough to give him/her a second chance. Without being conquered, you could never conquer love. Love is not as fundamental. It takes effort, care, thought, persistence, desire.

So is it better to conquer? Being in a situation oblivious to surroundings. Ignoring the fact that he may be cheating because you are ignoring him, his desires. Overlooking her passions, not giving support for her endeavors. OR to conquer? Learning from the mistakes and turning it in to that CAKE that you want and desire to eat too! Making it work from failing. By the way, definition of fail should be recognition of faults, acclimation of efforts to try again. NOW that's LOVE & AND CONQUERING! Looking back on 15 years into marriage without regret and undying devotion!

Here is another poem! This is just FOOD for THOUGHT! Hope you enjoy.



Is it better to conquer

Or to be conquered by love

I don't know but I felt defeated

And it felt good

To love without fear

To share without worry

Or regret of my unselfishness

Because you appreciate it

And

At the same time I won

A man with integrity, and morals

Who loves me in spite of

Because

I have my heart's desire on lock

And where he is

Is everywhere that I want to be

And I am

Everything he seeks

I have conquered

But can you really win before defeat

Its an humbling experience

And its never appreciated

until defeat exceeds

My Muse

He, my muse, not only a phenomenal man, but someone I'd never thought I would ever encounter. And he feels good. He embraces my creativity and lives loving me. I was and still am inspired by him; I really couldn't see it initially, but when he was lost so was my drive. Our connection was through much more than a phone line. All of my charisma froze up. I was that Icebox that Omarion sung about. But I was so hung up on ignoring the fact that he was not there, not giving his absence much focus, that I lost sight of my passion, my love for this craft, my drive, and it sucked too. My words where stale and forced. Meaningless............So I called him again, I needed my muse. Once I realized the trauma he caused I broke down and called. My work was suffering so I gave in to love because he gave my work meaning, he gave my poems depth and my lyrics soul, and I missed it. I missed him, and now that he is back and I am filled with love and stories to fill the diary whose pages were emptied in his absence. For instance, this is the work he influences, the poems he encourages. No words he has spoken, just is presence and desire to be here and fight to get better makes this come to me with ease. I hope you enjoy because its the LoVe/HaTe we share that got me here and I have to tell of our affair.


So I wrote in my diary
In reverse
With hope to break the curse
Of hate and love
I hold for you
Because
I hate to love you
But I got to
Cause no man makes me feel the same as you
No matter what
We cannot leave
Neither of us has the courage to say bye to destiny
So we just become
Like that boomerang
Returning over and over and over again
A story that never ends
No matter how much pain we inflict
No matter how stubborn we get
Love is lost
Only temporarily
Until our eyes meet
And embrace defeats
The barriers
Love so deep we can't hide it
So others witness
What we got
That TV shit
Thought it was fake
Until we got bit
Again, and again, and again
Reminded that fate always wins
And our past is erased
Clean slate
Yet we return
To the bullshit
And we live accepting it
Cause that's how we relate
Until one of us breaks
This curse
That had the pages
In my diary
A blur
Never clear
Or understandable again until one of us accepts
That we
Are soul mates

Girlfriends.............

This one is dedicated to all my girlfriends....

Those ride or die bitches that got your back no matter what. When you didn't have a dollar they gave you their purse. Known as girlfriends, though so often referred to as sisters. I love you to death. No matter what trials we go through, no matter how many years of stupidity creep through; because we got to much pride to admit wrongs and ammend the grudges. Despite it all you'll are always my girls. And if you know me at all you know you "my nigga". Cause it is more than just a figure of speech, phrase or greeting; "My nigga" signifies adoration, strength, a long lasting bond. It signifies unity of all those with that immovable and distinct DNA strand, and I use it in love.

I have never been more proud of anyone in my life and I support you through all your mistakes, better yet, they are not mistakes, just unexpected blessings. Because it all makes us better, stronger and wiser. And to you ladies I want to say thank you, all of you know who you are. There is no woman more beautiful, more strong, more generous or more honest than you, and that is why we weather the years because we stay true. True to myself and to you. Even though we don't want to admit our flaws, they're there and even though we don't want to hear it, we bear, because we aren't doing it alone. We always have each other.

I thank GOD for always placing women in my life that will aid my struggle instead of making my world worse. I hope I have been able to be the same blessing. Its been real thus far, it can only get better tommorow. Much love.

Words!

Speaking is second nature. Since we were born we have been trained to speak, with proper pronunciation and clarity. We have been trained to speak words, with no meaning unless the sentences and phrases we use are properly constructed or common; and even still they can be manipulated, mis-interpreted or mis-used.



Words.... What do they mean to you?



It's funny how the simple phrase, "I love you," holds so many emotions. When used by a parent, the child feels loved; apart of a family; when used by a significant other, one feels secure, reassured that the love felt is not one-sided. Either way, no matter what emotions they evoke, they are still no more than words. These words are not definite unless followed (if not instantly, sometime in the near future) with actions; socially acceptable acts that express their meaning. Are you going to believe someone loves you, no matter how many times that repeat themselves, if they cheat on you, abuse you (that one may be sensitive), rob you, harm any immediate family or friends? Hell no, I think not. And there is no one who could make believe that they would trust someone despite their acts because of the words they spoke!!! Yet so often, despite what we, Americans, are shown; we believe everything because it was spoken. The greatest example should be to those who supported President Bush's office and now are witnessing he did not stick by his words. And his actions have sent republicans voting democratic for the upcoming election!!

Words....

Just a little food for thought....Watch what you say and let your actions depict what you mean!

Bestfriends.....

Are bestfriends really the best boyfriends???? Are they our true soulmates???

I dated my bestfriend, of course that was before he was my bestfriend, because who can really just be coordial with someone that they have been in love with; especially since they don't want you anymore. Becoming friends aids with getting over that person; it's the safe way to mend whatever was broken. It is a common solution; it's so much better that not having the cake to eat at all.

My bestfriend was my heart, my everything; we were just alike; same sign, same values, same outlook, same drive. And after all this time we still see eye to eye. I can't help but think that the only reason we are not is because of the drive. Hours apart can hurt a love. Even though it is so evident everytime we speak that there is a facade, displayed by both, that expresses our desire for one another. Spoken without words but understood that he can have me any place and I can have him any and every way. What is even funnier is now we are both going through the same thing with relationships. Not that we seek companionship, but what does find us is not satisfying enough, not intriguing and not challenging enough, so we continue to live like we are ok when we are not. We are lost.... Stuck out together, but is together the answer?

Is union what our destiny's desire?

Can he really love me again after all this time??

I believe so but to scared to ask for fear of rejection. And he is to scared to ask for fear of correction, because see, that would mean that he was wrong. Wrong about me, wrong about us and wrong for leaving. Cause his heart was never lost to me. Just hidden by the distance. What we can't see, it doesn't hurt as bad to miss. But I know he knows are hearts are still connected.

But, you know maybe that is just it; we were never meant. We just get to be rap; in search of whomever we choose to share hip hop. But for now, I won't search, I will await him. And just live through neo-soul. Cause it feels better anyway.

Why that Nigga Trippin'?

Why do niggas be trippin'? Not accepting their feelings. Being hard for no reason. Trippin'. Love you, but can't tell you; need you but are willing to lose you because they are too much man to admit that you make the weak, soft, sensitive. So I wrote this poem to him, so he could answer my question. And it's titled, Why that nigga trippin'?...................



So
You wanted to know why that nigga was trippin’
Wanted to know
More about these poems that were written
I write
And I wrote
Wrote him
Some def poetry
That dug deep
Deep into his soul
And forced him to accept
His truth and believe it
I am crazy with the words
The Verses
The lines
The phrases
And the lyrics
Watching
As you work so hard to decipher
My emotions and feelings
It just forces you to fall deep
Deeper into me
Wondering
What
I will dish out next
Scared cause it may make you think about some shit
Playing off of your insecurities
To get you to see the male femininity
Those woman qualities
The traits of sensitivity arise
And you are trippin’like that nigga
You are wondering
How I could do this
How I could stimulate your brain enough
To have you believing you crazy and shit
And head over hills you fall
Cause I arranged these verses and phrases
In a way that intrigues you so
And you can’t deny it
So you love it
And crave more of me
My poetry
And now you are HE
That nigga
And it was not what you expected it to be
But it is great
And I am greater
Because I have mastered you
And you are my greatest creation
A male innovation
But you wanted to know
So I gave you a taste
And the more you taste
The more you will regret
Reading
And hearing this shit
Cause you are open
And I have you trippin’
Wondering why
You asked me that question!


Do you think he ever responded? Think I ever encountered a response? Hell no, that nigga is still trippin'. Confused because I am great and he does not know what to do about it! Just gonna continue to fight it; and like a dummy I am still waiting on him to embrace it and respond to destiny.

A'driana

Living and Loving

Does the true successes in life go hand in hand with the interactions and the affects of love?

I love everything, nature, choice, people, GOD (which can go without saying), him, her, them, they; it all makes up everyday. Our interactions directly effect our future so the choices we make have to consider the outcome. I am one of those spur of the moment people, indecisive and nonchalant about the outcome. You can always change your plan which will alter the outcome, but you are effected, short term, by the decision. So, I met him, and I love everything he is, his purpose, his personality, his heart, his honesty, I love it! And now I am scorned, he has taken my heart and inverted it to stone, because of his carelessness, his dis-concern for my feelings. Why do niggas feel like they can do whatever they want without reaping. My absence has him wondering, and now it gets more complicated. Always coming up with one more lie to compensate for not telling the truth the first time, right!! But that's what I love about him, his honesty!!! But, was he only being honest about how he feels for me and his perception of me? Never wanted to admit that one night stand or that slip up head, ridiculous, and after all this time, now he feels bad. Never wanted me for real, just a long term goal. Marriage!! Then, when I told him he was sorry, he couldn't forgive me! Men never want to hear the truth about themselves. Makes them feel less of a man and I don't want that? Right? Less of a man, means not enough man for me! And I need a man, 100% man, no one to scared to face life for what they really want. living life in the shadows, compromising lives and destroying their own, because they don't want to own up! Undercover!

So how I got on all that, not really sure, but He, that love I found in him, that decision I made to date effected me. Totally altered my present and gave me a past I never thought I would see. And now you know that love and life and totally linked. So how can you live life not loving? Frowning and looking at others like they owe you something. Find that peace in self so you can exhibit it to all. It makes you better and life becomes easier and more interesting when you love, instead of not loving at all.