NEW BEGINNINGS!

So I am ready for 2009!!! I am ready for the new challenges, love, joy, sorrows etc. I have had as many ups and downs as I can handle this year and look forward to the new. I hope your year was as eventful as mine. Full of life experiences and lessons that force you to acknowledge your mistakes and learn from them. I am older now, and I will not allow myself to make the same ridiculous mistakes. I have learned a great deal from love. And know what to value in a man. I am glad for a new chance to get to make better choices. Second chances. I am glad I have been allowed a few of them. Lord knows I need them. Thanks for allowing me to see who my true friends are, how important family is and when and being able to recognize the difference between potential greatness and bullshit.

I am aware now that a lot of choices made were because I was naive; not willing to learn from others. Wanting to fall and pick myself up. I have come to terms with the fact that I can not live my life doing everything someone else didn't or couldn't do. I want to live my life for me; knowing I tried and whether I come to face success or defeat; I know that no matter what I still did me. And I seized the opportunity to be true to me.

I wish all of you a very Happy New Year!!

I CAN'T HELP IT!

I can't help but be vulnerable to love. I can't help that despite the fact that I was developed with the capacity to restrain myself from enduring the confusion and the hurt brought by man, I refuse to allow that to keep me from loving. And he refused to allow confusion keep me from him. He said one thing but would show me another. He said he wouldn't care if I left, but he thinks about me in my absence. Continuously allows me in; into his world, even after I hurt him. Regardless of what he says, when you wholeheartedly do not want someone to be apart of your life you omit them. I did the same thing with someone else and I don't think about him; won't answer when he calls or entertain him. It is over, moved on from him. But if there was an ounce of hope that once I cleared my confusion, I would want him, he would still be here. And I would always accept the love given by him. Because he is real. Those who we hurt and still linger show us that the love is real. And once you get your mind right, you will spend the rest of your life making it up to them; because you knew where to turn when you were in search of...True and innocent it is; the love they have for you. And that is where I am...lingering. Hoping he will disperse the confusion lingering amongst his sight. Not his eye sight, but love sight. Guided by feelings not vision; allowing them to show him it's ok to live through his hearts desire. Free of fear. Not just calling on it when it is convenient; but willing to accept it even when it's difficult. So again I say, I can't help it. And I don't want to. I love him and this feeling is remarkable. A fool I am but willing to admit; moving on is easy when you are ready for it. I am not. I can't help loving him. I try to see the positive and even that is not enough to get me through. Why can't we recognize sincerity? Why mock it or mistreat it? No good reason or explanation besides selfishness. And even in that instance, I can't help it. I selfishly want to endure a love that can't possibly exist. His love for me is intangible; to far from his grasp. And there it will stay until he is willing to reach for it. There I linger because I refuse to help it.

DIR........

So, I am midway through the completion of my second poetry book and I just wanted to give you a little incite. Just so you all know that this collection is in reverse. The beginning is at the end and the present is in the beginning. It shows my growth in life and loves manifestations. Why I am now and why I am no longer what I was. The poetry in this book, in relationship to my previous collage, is fearless, strong, real and sincere. I put my heart on the line and I allowed it to be examined. I basically said this is me, fuck it...because real can never be denoted. It is what it is and you learn to love it. I can not wait to be able to give you a sample, but I really did go all out. Tried new verse structure, experiemented with haiku and I even researched some pieces.
I hope you enjoy it. I can't wait to share it with you!

Teen Chic Magazine!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Between December 2008 and January 2009 please look out for the hottest Teen Magazine around; Teen Chic Magazine.

Teen Chic Mag is an online magazine that informs, encourages and empowers teens around the world.

Magazine Staff Include:


Editor & Chief: C’na Roberts

Creative Director: Latasia Turner

Fashion Editor: Chanteau Garrett

Entertainment Editor: Mical J. Roy

Health & Beauty Editor: Stephanie Catchings

Feature Writers: Shawna G.
Audreyanna G.
Madison J.



This magazine is destined for great things. We need your support. The Magazine website is as follows:

www.teenchicmag.com

Go and check it out.

Teen Chic will be at Fashion Week in NYC this February and we also have writers attending the Presidential Inauguration! Please look forward to the articles and please join our blog.

Some people fear solitude. I smile at it! Because sometimes, self is much more supportive, more sensitive, more understanding than most people. They can be so negative sometimes I think it is better to enjoy YOU. I love relaxing in long, candle lit baths, listening to music, going to a movie or reading a great book! I can dine alone and go to the mall alone; I really believe if you always have to be with someone, you are codependent.

Just take a glance over the last two or three months of your life….How many times have you had a gang of people around to do things you could simply do alone?

Most are afraid of solitude because it really forces a closer look at reality! I love life and the realness of it. It is all in the way you look at something. If you are fearful or you think fear, you will be scared. If you think sad, you will be sad. The best quote I ever heard in my life, I was in the 5th grade. Granted I can not remember the person who said it, only that he was a famous old president, but he said, “It is a choice to be sad.”

Choices are a large part of life. Do not get made at the choices you make. Some are great and some we regret. It is always better to enjoy the wise choices and acknowledge all those that were made in error and to learn from them then. If you think you are horrible or your life is horrible and something bad is always happening to you, that is then what your life becomes; a series of bad events. And it all stems from your personal choices. Especially when all you look at is the negative.

I suggest, we Live to learn. Learn to live loving.

How Funny...

How funny
Thinkin’ that I am head over
What do they say “Hills”
Not hills
Ok maybe rocks
Still just a few steps ahead
But you encourage
Me to you
Subconsciously sought
Yet
The closer we get
You retreat
Therefore
I keep
A team
Just like you
And maybe
Just maybe you realized
You don’t have shit on me
I
Your match
A beast
And I
Don’t need to be lied to
Or dealt with like the other
Cause quite frankly
That is you
And you probably feel the same as I do
But I will never put my heart on the line for you
You don’t even trust that the sky is blue
I will never be able to show you
Truth
As I see it
As I live it
And it’s beyond tangible
It’s experimental
Risky
That is what love is
And until you can honor it
You will keep
Thinkin’ of me
In your spare time
Thoughts driftin’
Cause your wrong
And guilty conscious is eatin’
But you keep seekin’
Fame
Instead of embracing wealth
You want that cheap shit
It looks good
Until you
Try it
Taste it
Use it
Or buy it
Then it shows its worth
I never had to prove
You know when shit is priceless
So
You know
That I am
Valuable enough to
Be the MRS.