He, my muse, not only a phenomenal man, but someone I'd never thought I would ever encounter. And he feels good. He embraces my creativity and lives loving me. I was and still am inspired by him; I really couldn't see it initially, but when he was lost so was my drive. Our connection was through much more than a phone line. All of my charisma froze up. I was that Icebox that Omarion sung about. But I was so hung up on ignoring the fact that he was not there, not giving his absence much focus, that I lost sight of my passion, my love for this craft, my drive, and it sucked too. My words where stale and forced. Meaningless............So I called him again, I needed my muse. Once I realized the trauma he caused I broke down and called. My work was suffering so I gave in to love because he gave my work meaning, he gave my poems depth and my lyrics soul, and I missed it. I missed him, and now that he is back and I am filled with love and stories to fill the diary whose pages were emptied in his absence. For instance, this is the work he influences, the poems he encourages. No words he has spoken, just is presence and desire to be here and fight to get better makes this come to me with ease. I hope you enjoy because its the LoVe/HaTe we share that got me here and I have to tell of our affair.
So I wrote in my diary
In reverse
With hope to break the curse
Of hate and love
I hold for you
Because
I hate to love you
But I got to
Cause no man makes me feel the same as you
No matter what
We cannot leave
Neither of us has the courage to say bye to destiny
So we just become
Like that boomerang
Returning over and over and over again
A story that never ends
No matter how much pain we inflict
No matter how stubborn we get
Love is lost
Only temporarily
Until our eyes meet
And embrace defeats
The barriers
Love so deep we can't hide it
So others witness
What we got
That TV shit
Thought it was fake
Until we got bit
Again, and again, and again
Reminded that fate always wins
And our past is erased
Clean slate
Yet we return
To the bullshit
And we live accepting it
Cause that's how we relate
Until one of us breaks
This curse
That had the pages
In my diary
A blur
Never clear
Or understandable again until one of us accepts
That we
Are soul mates
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Girlfriends.............
This one is dedicated to all my girlfriends....
Those ride or die bitches that got your back no matter what. When you didn't have a dollar they gave you their purse. Known as girlfriends, though so often referred to as sisters. I love you to death. No matter what trials we go through, no matter how many years of stupidity creep through; because we got to much pride to admit wrongs and ammend the grudges. Despite it all you'll are always my girls. And if you know me at all you know you "my nigga". Cause it is more than just a figure of speech, phrase or greeting; "My nigga" signifies adoration, strength, a long lasting bond. It signifies unity of all those with that immovable and distinct DNA strand, and I use it in love.
I have never been more proud of anyone in my life and I support you through all your mistakes, better yet, they are not mistakes, just unexpected blessings. Because it all makes us better, stronger and wiser. And to you ladies I want to say thank you, all of you know who you are. There is no woman more beautiful, more strong, more generous or more honest than you, and that is why we weather the years because we stay true. True to myself and to you. Even though we don't want to admit our flaws, they're there and even though we don't want to hear it, we bear, because we aren't doing it alone. We always have each other.
Those ride or die bitches that got your back no matter what. When you didn't have a dollar they gave you their purse. Known as girlfriends, though so often referred to as sisters. I love you to death. No matter what trials we go through, no matter how many years of stupidity creep through; because we got to much pride to admit wrongs and ammend the grudges. Despite it all you'll are always my girls. And if you know me at all you know you "my nigga". Cause it is more than just a figure of speech, phrase or greeting; "My nigga" signifies adoration, strength, a long lasting bond. It signifies unity of all those with that immovable and distinct DNA strand, and I use it in love.
I have never been more proud of anyone in my life and I support you through all your mistakes, better yet, they are not mistakes, just unexpected blessings. Because it all makes us better, stronger and wiser. And to you ladies I want to say thank you, all of you know who you are. There is no woman more beautiful, more strong, more generous or more honest than you, and that is why we weather the years because we stay true. True to myself and to you. Even though we don't want to admit our flaws, they're there and even though we don't want to hear it, we bear, because we aren't doing it alone. We always have each other.
I thank GOD for always placing women in my life that will aid my struggle instead of making my world worse. I hope I have been able to be the same blessing. Its been real thus far, it can only get better tommorow. Much love.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Words!
Speaking is second nature. Since we were born we have been trained to speak, with proper pronunciation and clarity. We have been trained to speak words, with no meaning unless the sentences and phrases we use are properly constructed or common; and even still they can be manipulated, mis-interpreted or mis-used.
Words.... What do they mean to you?
It's funny how the simple phrase, "I love you," holds so many emotions. When used by a parent, the child feels loved; apart of a family; when used by a significant other, one feels secure, reassured that the love felt is not one-sided. Either way, no matter what emotions they evoke, they are still no more than words. These words are not definite unless followed (if not instantly, sometime in the near future) with actions; socially acceptable acts that express their meaning. Are you going to believe someone loves you, no matter how many times that repeat themselves, if they cheat on you, abuse you (that one may be sensitive), rob you, harm any immediate family or friends? Hell no, I think not. And there is no one who could make believe that they would trust someone despite their acts because of the words they spoke!!! Yet so often, despite what we, Americans, are shown; we believe everything because it was spoken. The greatest example should be to those who supported President Bush's office and now are witnessing he did not stick by his words. And his actions have sent republicans voting democratic for the upcoming election!!
Words....
Just a little food for thought....Watch what you say and let your actions depict what you mean!
Words.... What do they mean to you?
It's funny how the simple phrase, "I love you," holds so many emotions. When used by a parent, the child feels loved; apart of a family; when used by a significant other, one feels secure, reassured that the love felt is not one-sided. Either way, no matter what emotions they evoke, they are still no more than words. These words are not definite unless followed (if not instantly, sometime in the near future) with actions; socially acceptable acts that express their meaning. Are you going to believe someone loves you, no matter how many times that repeat themselves, if they cheat on you, abuse you (that one may be sensitive), rob you, harm any immediate family or friends? Hell no, I think not. And there is no one who could make believe that they would trust someone despite their acts because of the words they spoke!!! Yet so often, despite what we, Americans, are shown; we believe everything because it was spoken. The greatest example should be to those who supported President Bush's office and now are witnessing he did not stick by his words. And his actions have sent republicans voting democratic for the upcoming election!!
Words....
Just a little food for thought....Watch what you say and let your actions depict what you mean!
Monday, August 4, 2008
Bestfriends.....
Are bestfriends really the best boyfriends???? Are they our true soulmates???
I dated my bestfriend, of course that was before he was my bestfriend, because who can really just be coordial with someone that they have been in love with; especially since they don't want you anymore. Becoming friends aids with getting over that person; it's the safe way to mend whatever was broken. It is a common solution; it's so much better that not having the cake to eat at all.
My bestfriend was my heart, my everything; we were just alike; same sign, same values, same outlook, same drive. And after all this time we still see eye to eye. I can't help but think that the only reason we are not is because of the drive. Hours apart can hurt a love. Even though it is so evident everytime we speak that there is a facade, displayed by both, that expresses our desire for one another. Spoken without words but understood that he can have me any place and I can have him any and every way. What is even funnier is now we are both going through the same thing with relationships. Not that we seek companionship, but what does find us is not satisfying enough, not intriguing and not challenging enough, so we continue to live like we are ok when we are not. We are lost.... Stuck out together, but is together the answer?
Is union what our destiny's desire?
Can he really love me again after all this time??
I believe so but to scared to ask for fear of rejection. And he is to scared to ask for fear of correction, because see, that would mean that he was wrong. Wrong about me, wrong about us and wrong for leaving. Cause his heart was never lost to me. Just hidden by the distance. What we can't see, it doesn't hurt as bad to miss. But I know he knows are hearts are still connected.
But, you know maybe that is just it; we were never meant. We just get to be rap; in search of whomever we choose to share hip hop. But for now, I won't search, I will await him. And just live through neo-soul. Cause it feels better anyway.
I dated my bestfriend, of course that was before he was my bestfriend, because who can really just be coordial with someone that they have been in love with; especially since they don't want you anymore. Becoming friends aids with getting over that person; it's the safe way to mend whatever was broken. It is a common solution; it's so much better that not having the cake to eat at all.
My bestfriend was my heart, my everything; we were just alike; same sign, same values, same outlook, same drive. And after all this time we still see eye to eye. I can't help but think that the only reason we are not is because of the drive. Hours apart can hurt a love. Even though it is so evident everytime we speak that there is a facade, displayed by both, that expresses our desire for one another. Spoken without words but understood that he can have me any place and I can have him any and every way. What is even funnier is now we are both going through the same thing with relationships. Not that we seek companionship, but what does find us is not satisfying enough, not intriguing and not challenging enough, so we continue to live like we are ok when we are not. We are lost.... Stuck out together, but is together the answer?
Is union what our destiny's desire?
Can he really love me again after all this time??
I believe so but to scared to ask for fear of rejection. And he is to scared to ask for fear of correction, because see, that would mean that he was wrong. Wrong about me, wrong about us and wrong for leaving. Cause his heart was never lost to me. Just hidden by the distance. What we can't see, it doesn't hurt as bad to miss. But I know he knows are hearts are still connected.
But, you know maybe that is just it; we were never meant. We just get to be rap; in search of whomever we choose to share hip hop. But for now, I won't search, I will await him. And just live through neo-soul. Cause it feels better anyway.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Why that Nigga Trippin'?
Why do niggas be trippin'? Not accepting their feelings. Being hard for no reason. Trippin'. Love you, but can't tell you; need you but are willing to lose you because they are too much man to admit that you make the weak, soft, sensitive. So I wrote this poem to him, so he could answer my question. And it's titled, Why that nigga trippin'?...................
So
You wanted to know why that nigga was trippin’
Wanted to know
More about these poems that were written
I write
And I wrote
Wrote him
Some def poetry
That dug deep
Deep into his soul
And forced him to accept
His truth and believe it
I am crazy with the words
The Verses
The lines
The phrases
And the lyrics
Watching
As you work so hard to decipher
My emotions and feelings
It just forces you to fall deep
Deeper into me
Wondering
What
I will dish out next
Scared cause it may make you think about some shit
Playing off of your insecurities
To get you to see the male femininity
Those woman qualities
The traits of sensitivity arise
And you are trippin’like that nigga
You are wondering
How I could do this
How I could stimulate your brain enough
To have you believing you crazy and shit
And head over hills you fall
Cause I arranged these verses and phrases
In a way that intrigues you so
And you can’t deny it
So you love it
And crave more of me
My poetry
And now you are HE
That nigga
And it was not what you expected it to be
But it is great
And I am greater
Because I have mastered you
And you are my greatest creation
A male innovation
But you wanted to know
So I gave you a taste
And the more you taste
The more you will regret
Reading
And hearing this shit
Cause you are open
And I have you trippin’
Wondering why
You asked me that question!
Do you think he ever responded? Think I ever encountered a response? Hell no, that nigga is still trippin'. Confused because I am great and he does not know what to do about it! Just gonna continue to fight it; and like a dummy I am still waiting on him to embrace it and respond to destiny.
A'driana
So
You wanted to know why that nigga was trippin’
Wanted to know
More about these poems that were written
I write
And I wrote
Wrote him
Some def poetry
That dug deep
Deep into his soul
And forced him to accept
His truth and believe it
I am crazy with the words
The Verses
The lines
The phrases
And the lyrics
Watching
As you work so hard to decipher
My emotions and feelings
It just forces you to fall deep
Deeper into me
Wondering
What
I will dish out next
Scared cause it may make you think about some shit
Playing off of your insecurities
To get you to see the male femininity
Those woman qualities
The traits of sensitivity arise
And you are trippin’like that nigga
You are wondering
How I could do this
How I could stimulate your brain enough
To have you believing you crazy and shit
And head over hills you fall
Cause I arranged these verses and phrases
In a way that intrigues you so
And you can’t deny it
So you love it
And crave more of me
My poetry
And now you are HE
That nigga
And it was not what you expected it to be
But it is great
And I am greater
Because I have mastered you
And you are my greatest creation
A male innovation
But you wanted to know
So I gave you a taste
And the more you taste
The more you will regret
Reading
And hearing this shit
Cause you are open
And I have you trippin’
Wondering why
You asked me that question!
Do you think he ever responded? Think I ever encountered a response? Hell no, that nigga is still trippin'. Confused because I am great and he does not know what to do about it! Just gonna continue to fight it; and like a dummy I am still waiting on him to embrace it and respond to destiny.
A'driana
Living and Loving
Does the true successes in life go hand in hand with the interactions and the affects of love?
I love everything, nature, choice, people, GOD (which can go without saying), him, her, them, they; it all makes up everyday. Our interactions directly effect our future so the choices we make have to consider the outcome. I am one of those spur of the moment people, indecisive and nonchalant about the outcome. You can always change your plan which will alter the outcome, but you are effected, short term, by the decision. So, I met him, and I love everything he is, his purpose, his personality, his heart, his honesty, I love it! And now I am scorned, he has taken my heart and inverted it to stone, because of his carelessness, his dis-concern for my feelings. Why do niggas feel like they can do whatever they want without reaping. My absence has him wondering, and now it gets more complicated. Always coming up with one more lie to compensate for not telling the truth the first time, right!! But that's what I love about him, his honesty!!! But, was he only being honest about how he feels for me and his perception of me? Never wanted to admit that one night stand or that slip up head, ridiculous, and after all this time, now he feels bad. Never wanted me for real, just a long term goal. Marriage!! Then, when I told him he was sorry, he couldn't forgive me! Men never want to hear the truth about themselves. Makes them feel less of a man and I don't want that? Right? Less of a man, means not enough man for me! And I need a man, 100% man, no one to scared to face life for what they really want. living life in the shadows, compromising lives and destroying their own, because they don't want to own up! Undercover!
So how I got on all that, not really sure, but He, that love I found in him, that decision I made to date effected me. Totally altered my present and gave me a past I never thought I would see. And now you know that love and life and totally linked. So how can you live life not loving? Frowning and looking at others like they owe you something. Find that peace in self so you can exhibit it to all. It makes you better and life becomes easier and more interesting when you love, instead of not loving at all.
I love everything, nature, choice, people, GOD (which can go without saying), him, her, them, they; it all makes up everyday. Our interactions directly effect our future so the choices we make have to consider the outcome. I am one of those spur of the moment people, indecisive and nonchalant about the outcome. You can always change your plan which will alter the outcome, but you are effected, short term, by the decision. So, I met him, and I love everything he is, his purpose, his personality, his heart, his honesty, I love it! And now I am scorned, he has taken my heart and inverted it to stone, because of his carelessness, his dis-concern for my feelings. Why do niggas feel like they can do whatever they want without reaping. My absence has him wondering, and now it gets more complicated. Always coming up with one more lie to compensate for not telling the truth the first time, right!! But that's what I love about him, his honesty!!! But, was he only being honest about how he feels for me and his perception of me? Never wanted to admit that one night stand or that slip up head, ridiculous, and after all this time, now he feels bad. Never wanted me for real, just a long term goal. Marriage!! Then, when I told him he was sorry, he couldn't forgive me! Men never want to hear the truth about themselves. Makes them feel less of a man and I don't want that? Right? Less of a man, means not enough man for me! And I need a man, 100% man, no one to scared to face life for what they really want. living life in the shadows, compromising lives and destroying their own, because they don't want to own up! Undercover!
So how I got on all that, not really sure, but He, that love I found in him, that decision I made to date effected me. Totally altered my present and gave me a past I never thought I would see. And now you know that love and life and totally linked. So how can you live life not loving? Frowning and looking at others like they owe you something. Find that peace in self so you can exhibit it to all. It makes you better and life becomes easier and more interesting when you love, instead of not loving at all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)