More Randomness!

I like to think that we are all confident in ourselves enough to not want to constantly seek perfection but to realize the imperfect perfectness of ourselves. Yes the wording is a little off, but you understand what I mean. I feel exactly the same. And I did not do it because I wanted to be more or to feel more secure, because quite frankly I think that my confidence was more fierce when I had them. Now they are gone and I am trying to find the difference. I have always seen myself for who I was. I have always wanted nothing more but to love me and allow others to do the same. I feel regular, but why? Shouldn't I feel better? I am less agitated but nevertheless I am still me. I escaped them finally, a breath of fresh air...I love it, but no one loves me more...or will he? Now that my they are gone will he want me? This is ridiculous to think, but is it true? Did he only see them? Is that why he shunned away? I don't know, but I do not want to be the character in this book...so insecure with self that she was abused emotionally and physically. I do not want to settle. Hell I give myself and love myself the best...No one but God can do better than me. I am not looking for him to complete me, but simply compliment me. Why when you think you have finally found him, he doesn't allow it to be? I need someone who is not afraid to love, who is not afraid to let us be...He adores me, and I see it in his touch. In his eye, he adores me. Never seen that look before in my life yet we will never be because we are too scared to take a chance. I am not scared but I feel like I have already failed so there is no sense in going back now. I will wait until he comes for me, or is he thinking the same thing? No one knows...That is why we are still pondering...the options.

Presidential Inauguration 2009

Nineteen degree weather was not enough to keep millions of Americans away and it definitely was not enough to deter me. As we awaited the initiation of this historical event, our minds fiercely battled our physical resistance to continue to stand and endure the Inauguration of the 44th President of the United States of America, Barack Hussein Obama.


I had the pleasure of experiencing this monumental occurrence with millions of Americans differing in race, religion and creed. We gathered in peace, shared uncontrollable emotions and smiles for we all shared a common passion. The passion of witnessing the United States of America grow; witnessing this countries founding principles emphasized. We shared the feelings of finally believing that We, The People, of the United States of America can effect change in this country. We stood together to witness the promise, as President Obama vowed, in all sincerity, to guide this country out of recession, and to encourage Americans to call upon our ability to effect and encourage change. Through President Obama’s words he spoke of change but with that came the harsh realities of past decisions. As Obama states in his inaugural address, “Today I say that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this America-they will be met.” These words, spoken in confidence, sincerity and adoration restore the hope that always resided in American hearts submerged by fear. We shall clasp to these words in desperate times. We believe in our President’s promise and that is why this Presidential Inauguration drew such a crowd.



“Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends — hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism — these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.”

-President Obama-

The strength of heart and character of America was defined by the many individuals whose physical stamina demolished over the hours and were involuntarily forced to retreat.




With President Obama’s encouragement tears were shed with hope of prosperity for all. President Obama’s heartfelt presence etched great cheer in the hearts of millions. And even though we stood ten, hundreds, thousands of feet and watched miles away, we felt like we stood right by his side.




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It's Worth It.....

It was worth it...an hour out of my day made my heart smile for weeks. I made it up to him. Gave him the respect and honor he lacked through her. Made him hot inside because he heard the truth and it gave him hope. Things will be better. We deserve better.

I am grateful for second chances; second advances to 3rd base. And that is not the sex base. That is reality's fate. I made it. I never would have thought it would have been this soon, but he is willing and I am giving it my all. Commitment to be true to forever; making the most of our heart's desire. Just to smile with soul's enlightment, shining bright in it. And in the abscence we grow insecurities for no reason. We both feel the same. Can't wait until someone makes the first move...someone get courgage to...admit to adoration. I miss him. And I want to be near him. He desires me without saying, so I move away. Fearful of femininity, those woman qualities that attrack, disrtact and redirect their focus. I need him to be there. I can't go out on this limb and he not be there. What does that feel like? I don't want to know. I do however, need to know where this will go. I don't want to move to fast. This is the prime and mistakes are made in haste. I have nothing but time to wait on fate. God-fearing man who's humble, much humility. My heart calls out to you. Will you answer it? I hope so.

Random Thoughts....

There is no man or woman that is perfect. I like to think I am a genuine, straight forward person with good intentions. Maybe someone you may first meet and immediately assume I am cocky and rude...You may even go as far as telling all your friends, "I hate that Bitch." Sometimes that is how it is, but in all honesty I try my best to do right by others. My actions show that I am secure in myself but never at the expense of someone else. I have great confidence in myself without having to feel that I am better than everyone else. I am me and I love me and that is all I worry about.

My heart cries out to those who are less fortunate than myself. Hell with this economy I am a few bricks away from broke myself. We can always help someone else. Small gestures are just as great as the grand ones. Sometimes listening can be better than giving. We need to not be judgemental of others personal situations. We all suffer consequence; it is just in a differing forms.

On another note...I feel like honesty is the best policy. No matter how bad it hurts. I would never give someone else something I would not want for myself. Tell me this....Would you rather lie to someone and be unsettled with guilt for 10 years or tell the truth and be the bad guy for a day (at the max)? I know every choice comes with consequences but I would rather you live with mine for a few seconds. Yes as a child I commonly received the "listen and think before you speak" criticism; which in turn made me feel misunderstood, but I get it now. Sometimes somethings are better left unsaid...until that person is ready to hear the truth. Some people do not face reality like others; especially when you want to believe your own reality. We all do it. I do in certain situations; which is probably common for most...and that instance is LOVE. We always turn our dreams into realities. Try to always see the positive and block out the negative possibilities, i.e. you know when he/she is cheating, you know when they are keeping secrets, on that down low shit etc... But when we love someone we just ignore it. It's easier for those on the outside to criticize and judge and say what they would or would not do until they are in the situation and blind sided by the consequences. The emotional hardship and in some case the physical hardship. Then it hits you...clarity and we see reality for what it is; we call ourselves fools in love and move on.

OK so this post was random, but I hope it has brought on clarity and given unwanted knowledge to some.

Emotional Return

It's so funny how small encounters can make you feel important. Make you smile just to know someone is thinking past the present. Placing everything into perspective, the long term goal. That is when hearts are rewarded. It is not with the physical gifts but the emotional returns.

I live to make you feel better
etch smiles in your hearts
like fifth grade love letters
we long for love
always want to be admired
tearing down walls
in situations where they matter
expecting its presence
in every aspect of life
hopeful

even though some live to disappoint
can't live with much trust
it's just taken for granted
developing scorn
and another one is lost
another one easily relinquishing to circumstance
made you feel good
so you gave it a chance
hate the truth so you make your own
it's ok to be gullible
so the smiles depreciate
the value of peace
is now less than one cent
it is encountered at the cost of your innocent

now mocked
and ridiculed because you want to hope for it
the love you longed for
now so far in the distance
and you still don't get it
peace is within
it's what you make of it


Don't search the world for what you have in you...Be at peace with self and everything will fall into place for you.

Presidental Inaugration 2009

Please check out my article on www.teenchicmag.com

More versions of this article and different perspectives coming soon..........