10 Minutes

moments
or I should say
minutes
forever embedded
in my love
for you
my son
my King
if I could get back
every second
I would long to stay
in those moments
with you
forever
but
as luck would have it
I live
in the memory
of you
of your heartbeat
your movement
your beautiful face
innocent spirit
and pure soul
similar to that
of my own
so
you and I
will forever be one
and a piece of me
resides forever
in those 10 minutes
after you were born

Love

Love
Still my favorite emotion
Often misunderstood
But once acquired
Changes lives
The most unpredictable
The most powerful
Feeling
In all the world
And I
Love my life
I love love
And every new experience of love
That
I want to show you
My gratitude
In love
And when you are ready
I will overwhelm you
With
Sincere gestures
Of love
That only I could
And
Give you life
In a new view
Of the love
True love
I hold for you

My King

My King
Pain
In retrospect
Seemed to be bearable
Sadness
And grief
True grief
An emotion unknown
Until soon after
I pushed
You emerged
A beautiful soul
Perfect in my eyes
Heartbeat strong
For a short while
Moments
I will forever cherish
My King
To small to save
My son
Your life I imagined
Would
Exceed my own
Ended
And
While God's plan
Still the master
I was forced
To prepare myself
And grief
Of
The loss of you
Still
A new
My King
Forever
Mommy's angel
I could never forget you
For
Your Mother's love
Will always be with you


-In loving memory of my baby boy, King-

today

I saw you

and
I saw

my future 

in your eyes

and my heart

melted

not only did I not realize the impact

you had

but I underestimated the love

we shared

now

life
more meaningful

now 

life

has more purpose

part of me

part of you

us

unity

we

forever

cannot undo

what 

God 

created

life

through you

and you live

for me

easy

we relate

easy 

we love

and life

is 

perfect

America

you don't think
I see you
you
fight for the "right now"
oh wait
its just media take out
they use you
to play out
the "right now"
you buy it
their cause
your cause
your voice
a drone
you
manipulated
by emotional strings
a puppet
in the grand scheme of things
yet
it's me
I
don't understand
my history
my purpose
"your" cause
the world
or the curse of it
doomed
we
the people
in your eyes forever
because I
choose to see better
my view
sees America
for what it is
not what it is not
I know how to exist
in a world of politics
and simultaneously despise it
I know how to be change
I read
I seek
I speak
I think
I plan
I take heed
to what you have not
the answer
right in front of all of us
overlooked
and they laugh
can't get to it
your own ideas
cloud your judgement
selfishly you activate the emotions
you take on the media role
and the news has not even begun
in America
lack of perception
gives the gun
to the man
with the wrong plan
so
while no one wins a war
in America
no one perceives the cure
until its too late...

Why...

It makes no sense to me

The why

Often questioned

So few times 

Answered

I 

Lay still

Silence 

Feeling the weight

Rhythm 

And necessity 

Of breath

And I wonder

If that's exactly where I should be 

Why

Nothing 

Matters

Why 

Often questioned 

So few times answered

Then

I 

Stopped looking

The more you understand

The more 

You complicate things 

Why

When left unanswered 

Means 

Everything

Cut Off

Sometimes we have to be careful of what we ask for.  In life respect is a concept so often misused.  You should not demand respect from individuals you show no respect to.  This negatively impacts the natural order of things.  Respect is given and received.  Notice that "to give" comes before receiving.  I tried very hard to show respect in spite of adversity.  No matter how stubborn, childish and immature someone was.  The desire to continue was fueled by love, nothing more or less.  Love is patient and kind, all those I exhibited even when it was not easy for me to do so.   Now I have given enough without being heard and respected.  In these situations you edit your life, cut those people who mean you no good off.  That doesn't mean be angry, sad or feel any type of pain from the loss, it just means you are wise enough to know what you deserve.  Be wise enough to make the decision to eliminate the factor that will do you harm.  And what you deserve weighs more than what you want to give someone else.

As children one of the things we wanted most was to be an adult.  We craved the responsibility and the freedom, but we did not know the extent of the responsibility one receives with that freedom.  Now as an adult we see that sometimes it is too much to manage.  Too many choices and not enough right answers.  How do we ensure that we are making the right decisions? We have no affirmation most of the time.  We base what we know to be right and wrong on cultural standards and religious precedents.  We do what we feel is right.  Often times leaning on the notion "do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  So are you?  Are you doing all those things that you would want someone to do to you?  That is the question of which adults responses are often contradictory.

What is certain is that in this life I want to make sure to experience every ounce of love, happiness and valuable lessons I can.  With that comes dealing with people who lack understanding of your purpose.  You come into contact with people whose ideals do not align with your goals and we have to make decisions to separate ourselves from those people.  Love from a distance.  Cut them off if you will, but not with any ill intention or negative emotion.  I find that I try my best to establish an emotional balance before I take such measures.  What I have recently discovered is that no matter how good or positive your intentions are, if the other person is not willing to see "the good" it will not be seen.  What I am trying to figure out now is how to deal with that reality...

The Bridge

Meet me
In between our worlds
For
Freedom..


Loose the shackles
Left by lost love
Because
I can't stand
To hate you
My love holds far more weight
Yet
Your disregard for my presence
Makes me feel at stake
And I fear a life
Filled with pain
Void of your presence
And
I refuse
To accept it
So
Show up
For me
For you
For us
Meet me
At the bridge
For love
Because nothing
Or
No one
Should matter
But us...

It could all be so...

It could all
Be so
Simple
But
We complicate the melody of love
When hearts are in sync
We question the sincerity
Of
Love
But you and I
We are perfect in every way
I
Your queen
You delight in me
Simple pleasures
I live to share with you
Memories
I
Can't wait to make with you
And you saw fit
To see me
Even at my worst
You didn't give up on me
You saw the good
You waited for me
So
I know
You are
Made for me

And I will cherish the day
We decide to be as one
I thank God
For the great lessons in love
All that
Has prepared me for you
Because I
Never want to
Take you for granted
I honor you
My king
And
In love
I am
With the way
Your eyes burn with passion for me
The rhythm of your heartbeat
The way you take in
All of me
And
I yearn
To
Give you that back
Every moment
Of every day
In our love story

So
When I say
It could all be so
Simple
It really can be
And I wait for the day
God recognizes our love journey

Fire

A new shade of red 

You give me now 

Fire 

Soul ignites 

We unify 

For pure bliss

Ecstasy 

A new

Yearning

For you 

In places you have yet to explore 

They call your name

Every crevice of innocence

Every external peek of sensuality

Desires to be made known to you

Explore me

She craves you 

Soul delights in the new

Connection 

Not just of the mind

But in the moment of nothingness 

She drips for you 

Warm ocean of love 

Created in the thought of you 

Take me

She

Her

I give all 

Of me to you 

Forever synchronized  

Our hearts beat in unison 

And there is no element 

That can settle the fire

Of unyielding love

A new shade

Of red

Law of attraction

Our souls one 

Do you understand now?

How 

Sincerity in your stare 

Sparks hesitation you need to 

Let go of 

Now

Because the intensity has won

And desire for your love 

Burns through me 

Like the sun 

Longing

Longing

A new emotion?

The anticipation

That requires focus on ones heart's desire

But when is it too much?

How long is too long?

How do we diffuse such?

All questions of the many

Whose heart's desire remain unanswered

And there is no right

Or one answer

But

When it's right 

Longing won't be required

The only emotion prominent

Will be that of joy

Because the one who should remain

Will stay

And no pain will ever take the place

And your life 

Void of unnecessary emotion 

Therefore 

Love manifests

In

Joy and choices 

For you...

You...

your eyes

forever sincere

send an invitation of love

to my heart

and my soul

longs to dance forever

in your world

of peace

generosity

humility

respect

I honor you

my king

forever

this world is perfect

as long as my journey

holds memories

of heartbeats

breaths

dances

and kisses

shared with you

for I only need one moment

in time

one day

one hour

one minute

one memory 

of you

to fill my world with a lifetime  of love

I can't wait

to hold you

I long to kiss you

one time

is all I need

and yes you are a necessity

a desire just the same

you are my eternity

the man

with whom I will share

a last name

Love on repeat

He makes it so easy

To love 

Through all his imperfections

We

Strive to be

Make

Work for

And cherish one another

In love

He strokes my soul

With sincerity

And when I close my eyes

To ask God for clarity

He holds my hand

And forever

Begins and ends

Never ending

Like a record skipping

Or a song 

That leaves you breathless

My heart rejoices

As we 

Love

On repeat

Untitled

They say smiles are contagious
But I caught on to you
Your spirit infectious
And I am no longer yearning to remain
Caged
I can't make you pay
For what has past
You make me want to
Soar above the clouds
Seek new heights
You
Break away the barrier
Of memories
Left by pain
Regret
And defeat
Since
Erased
By your honesty
Sincere grin
Humble eyes
Passionate stare
And
Never-ending embrace
You
Gave way to
Optimism
Now set in
I see you
For the man I longed for
The friend I craved to share with
Every moment in my journey
I welcomed you in
And you invade me
Providing support to my purpose
Supplying patience to my being
When I can't seem to make sense of it all
You
My clarity
The source of my happiness
And although I want to fight you
My heart needs to
Desire a man
Who puts for every effort
To make me feel beautiful

Never Ending Smiles

You know
I once thought smiles
no longer lived
in my world
no longer desired
just admired
and I stomached the shadows
cast by doubt
but
then you
gave me
never ending memories
bliss
and I can't shake this feeling
in just a few short weeks
you invest in me
things unheard
things deserved
things longed for
and I appreciate you
for trusting in me
and blessing me
with never ending smiles
if this is what you call ecstasy
my love is yours for eternity

Elated...

I am so happy 

Elated 

Is fit to describe 

The vibes

Experienced on this ride

Called life

My journey

Like no other 

And each day

Each hour

Each minute

Make moments

Of love

Consciousness 

Ambition

For higher self

Greater understanding

Sharing wealth 

Of knowledge 

Our greatest tool

To understand

The cycle continues

With or without you 

Another broken heart

I can't understand why 

I am

Constantly caught in 

This world wind 

Not you 

Not he

But feelings and love run deep

So why

Why keep playing with the key

To my soul

First thought of moving on with you

From he

Who drained my heart

And hardened me

Stiff 

Numb

For everything 

I 

With no feeling 

Until you

Now

I stand alone 

In fear

Can I go on in love?

Because between he and you

I

Don't want to

Risk 

Another broken heart 

Where did you go...

in your arms
I escaped
my safe haven you were
as I
scared
bruised
broken
scars still showing from an unfortunate battle
love
and war
now I understand noone ever wins
but you
swept me off my feet
soul sung tunes
melodic gestures of hope I saw in your eyes
sincerity
I trusted you
you gave me hope
you gave me love
you melted me away
I longed for you
against my will
I was too
fragile
so
was it just a temporary thrill?
I can't determine if it was real
but my smile was
the sun showed through my soul
I warmed you
and anyone else in my presence
but
I dont know where it went
where are you?
I need to feel safe
I need to be in your arms again
my heart speaks to you
rescue me
because I can't find you
where did you go?

I got

Mild butterflies 

A reminder of what love feels like

And

Although

Not what I thought it would look like 

Extensions of peace

Innocence

Sweet justice

And true regard for me 

I welcome it

Muddy water

There is no

Crystal ball

I see

Muddy water

And 

I lost the ability to see

Grey

Not even blue is familiar to me

And I want peace to be still

Closed eyes

Deep breaths

Life is upon me

Let me hear sounds of serenity

I long for you

I love for you 

My soul dances at the thought of you

Seek me

I'm amidst the muddy water

Strangers are plenty

Love is few

Trying to find a way through

I close my eyes 

To let your voice guide me through