Funny how things change...

So, I told myself over and over and over again that I was focused.  Focused on me now.  I couldn't, I wouldn't let anyone deter me from the goal...a better me.  But it's so funny how things change.  It is so funny how emotions and feelings have a way of creeping in.  And I, woman first, and me second, have no choice but to allow them to guide.  I am feelings and they are the basis of my pride, or the lack there of.  I wish I could battle it.  I wish I had the heart of metal to conquer it, but it feels too damn good.  I can help this.  I want him more now.  More than I would ever allow myself to show.   I crave him now and so I hold back more.  I can't believe this shit.  I can't believe he did, or is doing a number on me.  FUCK!  What now?  I guess I have to swallow the pride and let love guide, better yet...


I want you more now

And I didn't know how to express this shit
You want more of me so you never quit
You make it known where your heart sits
I hear the sighs
I want to whisper them away
I never told you
But if you want to make this work
I won't stray
I swear at this point
It's working in your favor
All insecurities
Any jealousy
I long to comfort it
I will take you to a place
They will never exist
I want to be the company that you feel is heaven sent
And
It's so hard to put words on this
It's so inexplicable
As our hearts yearn
To eliminate the distance
We want to relate
And I want you to stay
Yet
I still have fear of it
I hope all goes well
Because
At this point
I can't turn back
I want to make forever with you prevalent
Let’s just hope your presence is dominant
May they fade away
And
You become prominent

And damn it's funny how
Just yesterday
I longed to
Be me
Love me
And let love pass me
To be more focused on me
But maybe it's time
And if that is what it is
I accept it
So
I will allow love
If it's meant
And I hope it is
Because it's so funny how
Yesterday I wasn't
And today I am having trouble fighting it

Sometimes all that I can not say, my poems say for me.  I just wish that today could be the future and yesterday history.  Life has its pace and God has his will; but I just want to make you feel, the way I do in the absence of all that is physical. 

Can you relate?