More Randomness!

I like to think that we are all confident in ourselves enough to not want to constantly seek perfection but to realize the imperfect perfectness of ourselves. Yes the wording is a little off, but you understand what I mean. I feel exactly the same. And I did not do it because I wanted to be more or to feel more secure, because quite frankly I think that my confidence was more fierce when I had them. Now they are gone and I am trying to find the difference. I have always seen myself for who I was. I have always wanted nothing more but to love me and allow others to do the same. I feel regular, but why? Shouldn't I feel better? I am less agitated but nevertheless I am still me. I escaped them finally, a breath of fresh air...I love it, but no one loves me more...or will he? Now that my they are gone will he want me? This is ridiculous to think, but is it true? Did he only see them? Is that why he shunned away? I don't know, but I do not want to be the character in this book...so insecure with self that she was abused emotionally and physically. I do not want to settle. Hell I give myself and love myself the best...No one but God can do better than me. I am not looking for him to complete me, but simply compliment me. Why when you think you have finally found him, he doesn't allow it to be? I need someone who is not afraid to love, who is not afraid to let us be...He adores me, and I see it in his touch. In his eye, he adores me. Never seen that look before in my life yet we will never be because we are too scared to take a chance. I am not scared but I feel like I have already failed so there is no sense in going back now. I will wait until he comes for me, or is he thinking the same thing? No one knows...That is why we are still pondering...the options.